Raising a non systemed foster child.

I began raising Justin in July of 2011. This is not the first time I have taken him in while his mother took care of her mental illness/addiction. See, Justin's mother and I were best friends. She struggles with a mental illness as many people do. After her injury we both decided I would take Justin, then age 12 into my home. This was not a state placement but simple an agreement between himself, his mother, and I. I have had him since. I raise this child as my own with no help financially from anyone or any organization. Of course I took him on myself and it was my choice and I did not let money stop me. Would money be nice, of course it would but the truth is there is no money to get. I am not his legal foster parent, his mother is still recovering from her injuries from the tornado, and the state has no kind of help for these situations...that we know of, YET. I am a single mother of him and my 4 year old daughter and we make it by our own means. Recently I have met another single mother in a very similar situation. She too is raising a child of no blood relation as her own with no financial help from anyone. I began thinking about how our personal child "fostering" has to change what statistics say about all the children without homes. This has to change the numbers in some way. I began thinking about it and realized we are not the only two in this little area. I know of another single mother who took in a teenager and another couple that took in a teenager as well. Most of us do not, at first glance, seem to have the finances, space, or time for such a thing but we beat all that out with our hearts and the grace of God. I deal with many people questioning my choice to raise this child when I struggle financially. I couldn't imagine what would happen if I gave up during our tough times then and now. I do not know the full extent of these other families but I do know Justin's story. His family struggled with addiction, he was not treated right, and he also struggles with mental illnesses of sort. This child has not had an easy life and was headed down a bad path as he was having aggression/respect issues upon many other things. In the short time I have been raising him he has gotten on the honor roll and has turned into a pretty good kid. We still struggle with respect here and there as any teenager does and especially any teenager with a past like him but we make it. There is no help out there for people doing what I am doing. Many have suggested calling legal aid, local lawyers,and DFS for help and every single one of them have no answers. Help is not always financial sometimes it is just time. One can get a temporary custody paper but that only goes so far. If I personally know of 4 people who have been through or are going through similar situations why is there no resource center for us? Why is there no national notice of such situations? I do not want an award for caring for a child because it is the right thing to do but I do want there to be more notice that things happen. People take on other children for free without state involvement and make sacrifices every single day because these children matter. I do feel that it is MY problem because God did put this child in my life and presented the opportunity. How many of you would make such a sacrifice and if you would not would you be willing to help others in need in one way or another? Would you be willing to give up your bedroom for a friend child? would you give up new clothes, shoes, a nice car, and getting your hair done so you can help keep one child out of the system of statistics? If you know anyone in this situation please thank them and if you know of any resources please share. Open your eyes. Speak out. Help those around you.

We do not run off statistics.

I want to tell a story about a good friend of mine who came into my life at an amazing time. The day Jeremy (Taylor's dad) moved out a friend, whom I had hardly known at that moment, moved in. He needed a place and I was not ready to live alone. As I think back to it now it could not have worked out better. At first Jeremy started with visiting Taylor constantly which lasted about a month and after that he acted like it was a chore to even come say hi to her. I remember him coming into the apartment complex to see his friends and avoiding our window so Taylor wouldn't see him. Within a few months he moved to Indiana to be with his new woman and got married shortly after that. He left May 2010 and since then has seen Taylor less then 10 times. Taylor last say her dad Jan 2011 and last spoke with him Oct 23. Meanwhile a friend of mine came into our home and began helping me with Taylor. This friend had not been able to see his own daughter very much and missed her terribly. The first year to year and a half I truly think that this friend helped Taylor in a way that I would have never in my life been able to fill. She responded with helping his heart heal a little as well. They became like best friends....the best adopted uncle a kiddo could ever ask for. It is funny how God puts people in your life at just the right time. I at times wonder if this friendship she has with my friend has been one of the factors of her being so positive about not having a dad around. Taylor never gets sad or worried about Jeremy not being in her life and even comes to her own conclusions about it without me saying anything. She refers to him being gone as, "My daddy ran away". She says constantly that she has a daddy but he ran away and is busy. I never have put anything in her head about him as I believe she should come up with her own ideas about who Jeremy is. I do however answer her questions in an honest manner and try not to get annoyed when she crys for her dad which used to only happen when she was in trouble....thank goodness we made it past that stage. Taylor has been handed a pretty awesome card in her life to have such amazing people surround her and shower her with love. I can not wait to see how she changes the world when she is grown as she has already touched many peoples hearts. As for Jeremy, I do hope that he realizes that he still has a daughter in the world whom is his blood and if he doesn't ever come around again I know that Taylor will grow to be awesome anyway. I have made a promise to myself that I will NEVER fall into the statistics trap about children being raised by single parents. My daughter is going to be just as awesome as any child who has both parents and knowing how strong she already is I know she will not feed into that either. Life is completely manageable as a single parent. It is not only manageable but in my case is such a happier situation than what would have ever been possible before. Don't ever think you can not do it. Do not ever think that you will fail because of finances or even just the feeling of being lonely. There is never a reason to stay in a situation which is unsafe or dysfunctional because you are scared of what it will do to your children. We get to teach our children how amazing they are and how their situation is a blessing not a curse or a cause for a pity party. :)