Raising a non systemed foster child.

I began raising Justin in July of 2011. This is not the first time I have taken him in while his mother took care of her mental illness/addiction. See, Justin's mother and I were best friends. She struggles with a mental illness as many people do. After her injury we both decided I would take Justin, then age 12 into my home. This was not a state placement but simple an agreement between himself, his mother, and I. I have had him since. I raise this child as my own with no help financially from anyone or any organization. Of course I took him on myself and it was my choice and I did not let money stop me. Would money be nice, of course it would but the truth is there is no money to get. I am not his legal foster parent, his mother is still recovering from her injuries from the tornado, and the state has no kind of help for these situations...that we know of, YET. I am a single mother of him and my 4 year old daughter and we make it by our own means. Recently I have met another single mother in a very similar situation. She too is raising a child of no blood relation as her own with no financial help from anyone. I began thinking about how our personal child "fostering" has to change what statistics say about all the children without homes. This has to change the numbers in some way. I began thinking about it and realized we are not the only two in this little area. I know of another single mother who took in a teenager and another couple that took in a teenager as well. Most of us do not, at first glance, seem to have the finances, space, or time for such a thing but we beat all that out with our hearts and the grace of God. I deal with many people questioning my choice to raise this child when I struggle financially. I couldn't imagine what would happen if I gave up during our tough times then and now. I do not know the full extent of these other families but I do know Justin's story. His family struggled with addiction, he was not treated right, and he also struggles with mental illnesses of sort. This child has not had an easy life and was headed down a bad path as he was having aggression/respect issues upon many other things. In the short time I have been raising him he has gotten on the honor roll and has turned into a pretty good kid. We still struggle with respect here and there as any teenager does and especially any teenager with a past like him but we make it. There is no help out there for people doing what I am doing. Many have suggested calling legal aid, local lawyers,and DFS for help and every single one of them have no answers. Help is not always financial sometimes it is just time. One can get a temporary custody paper but that only goes so far. If I personally know of 4 people who have been through or are going through similar situations why is there no resource center for us? Why is there no national notice of such situations? I do not want an award for caring for a child because it is the right thing to do but I do want there to be more notice that things happen. People take on other children for free without state involvement and make sacrifices every single day because these children matter. I do feel that it is MY problem because God did put this child in my life and presented the opportunity. How many of you would make such a sacrifice and if you would not would you be willing to help others in need in one way or another? Would you be willing to give up your bedroom for a friend child? would you give up new clothes, shoes, a nice car, and getting your hair done so you can help keep one child out of the system of statistics? If you know anyone in this situation please thank them and if you know of any resources please share. Open your eyes. Speak out. Help those around you.

One proud single mother and aunty...brag moment.

As many know July of 2011 was a big step in my life. It was one of the biggest leaps of faith I have ever taken in truly trusting Christ knew what he was doing. I have a friend who had been having "issues" with her teenage son. She was a mother who struggled with addiction of many forms, a mental illness, as well as had an abusive man in her life. Her teenager was acting out in many ways and that summer was starting to get physical with his mother. He had been in juvenile detention as well as hospitals where everyone was trying to figure out what his issue was. I had been in his life since he was 6 and at this time he was 12 and I as well was at my wits end with knowing what advice to give to his mother on how to handle his struggles. In July I got a call one evening from him asking me to pick him up. I asked why and he simply just said he needed to get away and would talk about it when I saw him. I picked him up and he began to pour out his pain on our drive to my house. He was in tears telling me of the abuse he suffered from his "step dad" and how sick his mother was getting again with her addiction. He didn't ever want to go back and was simply depressed. I decided to take a long drive with him so he could keep talking as this is/was a kid who NEVER talked about anything but hate. I told him he could spend the night and began praying to God for an answer. I was a single mother and could barely take care of my daughter and myself at this time. I was struggling with bills, my sanity, and just simply living with one kid how in the world could I EVER do this with two especially a troubled teenager. I prayed for two days for an answer. I was new in my following of Christ and didn't quite know if I got an answer or not but I did know that I felt at ease when I told this child that I would take him into my house but that he had to follow my rules and work with me. It was like, I just KNEW that we would be OK. His mother agreed that it was a good idea and was open to the idea of me taking care of him but could not offer much support as she was still struggling herself. At first times were extremely rough. For MONTHS times were extremely rough. This child only used his words to speak of hate, anger, and his obsessions. He had outbursts which he seemed like he could not control and was so emotional about simple things. I kept stern and strict. After months of trial and error with punishments, rewards, and anything else I could think of this child today is one of the most well behaved 13 year old I have ever met. As I sit here and write this blog I tear up thinking about how hard it was but how worth it the last year has been. I am so proud of him that I can not even contain myself. I remember the times when I was almost embarrassed to take him places because of his anger and pure hate towards life, people, things, places, anything. I remember the car rides where in a 10minute period he would have said 45 hateful things at random. (yes we counted a few times) Or the fights over doing his chores, taking a shower, brushing his teeth. The long nights spent where he would not sleep because he was either staying up obsessing over his favorite things or having paranoid thoughts about his ex step dad coming to our house. He is a child with Aspergers, ptsd, and who has suffered abuse. He has spent the last year working so hard to turn himself around with the guidance of an adopted aunty. He does his chores without being asked. He gets him self up for school. He washes his own clothes on a regular basis. He gets decent grades. He offers to clean when I am sick even when I don't ask. He helps babysit my 3 year old for a few hours here and there and treats her as I do. He respects other peoples property. He is a GOOD kid. How blessed am I to be able to see this and be apart of this? How blessed am I to be able to say I had a part in his change for the good. Yes, we are still working on things and will always be as some of the little troubles he has he can not help. He is different but in such a beautiful way. In the end I know that if anything I get to say I made a difference in a child's life. That someone didn't give up one him and that someone was me. I also get to know in my heart that I truly am meant to work with troubled youth and if God made this situation possible he will make that possible as well. Some think that being a single mother is such an extreme burden and talk about how sorry they feel for us. Struggles with money, time, and sanity will always be a struggle for single mothers, but for me, I get the blessing of knowing Christ is in my corner and so far the two children which I have been taking care of could not be better. Yup, I am a single mother who struggles here and there, but finances do not make up our family the love in our home and hearts does. Thank you for letting me brag and for those of you local any praise to this kid is more than welcome if you see him although he can not stand it I know deep down inside he needs it. :)