Found my old jounal today.

I was reading old journals today and started thinking about my past and how far I have come not just in life but in my heart. I found this one writing in particular that really stood out... ...She started when she was 14. A beautiful young child can seem so innocent but have felt so much pain. It began with a few small scratches. One for every guy, one for every cry, and the others for the unknown. By 15 she was officially a "disturbed child". Getting rid of her food by day and cutting by night. the daily routine consisted of three full meals in and three not so full meals out. At night the razor blade became her lover. Unable to sleep without a kiss to calm her nerves. At 15 came the powder and alcohol. At 18 she lost her temple again to a fucking ass hole... I remember where I was sitting when I was writing this. I remember the feelings in my mind. I didn't write the full thing because I just wanted to prove a point. I remember sitting there on that bed that night thinking of how my life didn't matter. I didn't feel I was going anywhere, I was trying to hide my addictions of many forms, and I felt no one loved me. I thought I would never become anything and definitely KNEW I would never have the ability to love myself. It was not long after that that I woke myself up again realizing I was worth more. No addictions and especially no abusive human being should have the right to make one feel so low they consider ending their life. Today, as I look at those writings, I am so grateful I made it out. I get a chance to love myself at such an extreme level today that I never thought possible. I get a chance to love others and show them how much they matter. I also get a chance of raising two awesome children and helping them through their struggles. So grateful today. I do not think I can ever say that enough. I love me. I love all of me. Scars on my arms. Extra weight on my hips. Blue eyed. Dark haired. Average height. Tabby