Saint Patricks Day Joy...

I would say today was one of those m, wake up on the right side of the bed days. Tay woke me up at around 7 singing "...Gods not read he's surely alive he's living on the inside..." We got up and started getting ready for the Saint Patricks Day activities. I took time doing her hair, we went to Joplins parade and then Moriah, my roomie, cooked some awesome food. The day ended at about 830. Tay is now in bed and my homework is mostly done. Why can't all days be this easy?
I can honestly say I didn't think too.much today about my worries. I didn't fret over money or time or school. I simply lived a day focusing on my family and being carefree... Amazing!
I know financially all will work out. I know I have some great friends helping me in this time of need with Tay and the surgery and anything else I ask for. My problem is getting past being stubborn and just asking.
Tonight I'm going to go to bed thinking only of the Joys in my life. . . Tay, Justin, my awesome Church family, and maybe a new guy in the mix but shhhh I'm taking that part slow as rushing into anything at this moment in my life would be no good. :p

Today is almost over.

So, once again I had to leave work because of this cyst.... My ovary won again. :(
While I was at work I began to think of all the stuff going on currently and how this is affecting me and my friends. I try to keep as much of it to myself as I don't like to be negative but recently this has been rough.
I am dealing with this health stuff which includes a complex cyst on my ovaries, rotting tonsils, and at the end of summer the gastric bypass surgery.
My mother is ill due to her drinking. My grandmother is dealing with extreme pain and will have surgery soon. My finances are tough from having to miss work. I've recently learned of a "best friend" who slept with the man I was with 6 yrs. I am on the verge of getting sent to a.department at work I hate.
All this wears on a person many ways. I push through as much as I can but sometimes I struggle. I get short with friends and family, I cancel on plans, I don't return texts or calls, and I simply just don't care some days about your issues.
We are all human. We all deal with life differently. These are the moments that make or break friendships. These moments allow me to appreciate the good even more then before. They show me that being stubborn and not asking for help doesn't always work and that I am stronger then ever before.
This blog isn't about pitty parties... It's about showing you a different view.... So once again smile. Step back and be grateful.

Everyone has stressers.....

So, although I try to be optimistic about things sometimes you just get overwhelmed. Between my ovairan cyst causing me not to be able to work as much as I need, to my lack of money to pay bills, there is the worry of being able to hold my temper when I'm so tired from no sleep and overwhelming pain. I have doctors appointments, other commitments, school, 2 kids, regular household chores and mommy duty all while trying not to freak out about what is going on with my health. There are roommate stressers (even tho my roomies are awesome), financial stressers and every day friend stresses. In the last two years I have been lied too and kicked down by "close friends". I have had to go from being in a six year relationship to becoming a single mom who has to work and do it all on her own while dealing with a crszy thieving man and his "new wife". I try to look at everything on the positive side but every once in awhile we all have our moments and should give ourselves time to feel, grieve, and just ride the waves of emotions because ignoring feelings is never healthy. Today is one of those days. I'm giving myself a set amount of time and then jumping off this pitty pot.
I try to keep a gratitude list and remember that this too shall pass.
So today I am going to remind
myself to breath... Take a few moments to feel... And then breath.

Bed time stories for mommy..

Had one of those emotional days... You know the ones where you just want your brain to shut up so you can work? Yeah... That was me.
Over the last two years I've learned quite a bit about the "dating game" and quickly learned I don't like it one bit. I not only learned the truth about men being jerks and women being weirdos I also learned who I truly was.,
See, I was in this relationship for 6 years. When I found out he was leaving me I lost it. I began making excuses for his actions and blaming me. The cheating was because I wasnt there enough, the drugs were because the stress, the strealing money was not meant to hurt me.... I turned into a weak woman who had no idea who she was. Once I came back to reality I decided to spend time alone just getting to know me. Eventually I dated casually and the men I seemed to like fit the same jerk category as Jeremy (my ex). I then decided to compile a list of wants... It included everything from stability, a car, less than 2 kids, tall, no drug use to spirituality, drive, and a family man. As I dated the list got longer and my options of dateable men quickly narrowed. The ones who seemed interested quickly changed their mind. I couldn't figure out what I was doing to scare them off. I came to the conclusion that men have a hard time with overly independent, super outgoing, single mothering, strong willed women. I also came to the conclusion that I'm ok with
me. Yup... Just me. Single independent Tabby. It's nice. It's refreshing. It's something I've never really experienced before. Co dependency was yet another label I used to have... Used to.
So, smile. Be okay with you. Love you because when you do those things you realize you're worth so much more then anything you ever imagined.
No matter what you have been told...You are worth it!

Good morning sunshine

Who am I?

It is funny how we label yourself at times. I spent some time today thinking of all the things I called myself and realized how many "things" I have been. It has recently been brought to my attention how my story has made a difference in others lives. I never thought it was such a big deal until I thought about how much my heart aches for others struggling through some of the situations I had been in in my past. Today I can talk about these things and no longer be ashamed because the past is not an excuse for today or tomorrow. I am going to be as honest as possible in this blog because maybe one day someone will read ONE thing that will help them make it another day during those rough days and I am sure it doesn't hurt too much to just get these emotions out once in awhile.
Anyway, back to the labeling thing. Here is a list of things I have been called by others and/or called myself.
An amazing friend.
A great mother.
A hard worker.
A survivor.
A motivator.
A single mom.
A beautiful woman.

and some more negative ones...

An adult child of an alcoholic.
A self mutilator.
A sexual abuse survivor.
A worry wort.
An ungrateful brat.
A fake Christian.
A fatty.
A control freak.
A snob.
Unreliable.

All these things...and I sure could think of a million more.
To some you may read that and think how sad it is and others will see it as strong I see it as me. Not an excuse but a motivator. I have survived many bad things and accomplished many good but one thing is for sure...I will NOT use my past, downfalls nor accomplishes, as an excuse to crutch my future.

The start of what is to come...

After reading many other blogs online about parenting, faith, being a single parent, bypass surgery, and even cooking I decided it was time I start one myself. I mean after all my life is pretty entertaining. :)
I would love to share my stories on being a single parent while going to school, working full time, dealing with health issues, and most importantly growing in my spirituality.
Recently I have spent a lot of time reflecting on my life as far as where I have been, where I am now, and where I am headed. I could have never imagined I would be here today doing this all as a single strong independent woman. I never thought I was strong enough to even fully care for myself and here I am taking care of my own daughter, who is three and my friends son, who is 13.
Supporting them of course is pretty tough financially as I do not get a chance to work much over time when it is offered. I also have my own health issues to deal with as well as my daughters lung stuff.
Although the last two years have been almost a constant struggle for me financially and emotionally it seems as my faith grew the issues that used to pull me down so greatly have so much less power. Suddenly I know that I can do this and I will do this.
Parenting, school, work, and upcoming surgeries better watch out! This mama is going to make it through with a smile on her face!